Breaking the Perfection Spell: Navigating a more Authentic Path to Personal Growth
Setting out on a personal development journey is something we are all familiar with, happening in both our personal and professional lives. Whether our focus is on refining our writing, adopting healthier habits, or honing our leadership skills, the anticipation of learning, growing, and becoming improved versions of ourselves is undeniably exhilarating.
Personally, I am no stranger to the pursuit of self-development, having been on a path of weight loss (on multiple occasions), refining time management and assertiveness skills, learning Spanish, and more recently, exploring the art of pottery—all pursued with varying degrees of depth and success, I must confess!
Our typical story unfolds a little like this: armed with good intentions, a well-crafted plan – often with well-articulated SMART objectives – and fuelled by an abundance of willpower, we dive headfirst into the world of self-improvement.
As we embark on executing our meticulously crafted plan, the initial excitement fades as we realize the vast amount there is to learn and master (and how far we are from where we need to be!). This enthusiasm wanes further as the routine of going through the motions and facing setbacks sets in. Investing substantial time (which we're already short of) and effort may only produce minimal results, leading to a sense of disillusionment and inadequacy.
Nevertheless, we're not the ones to quit, so we dig deep, often at this stage if not earlier, into the vast online landscape for knowledge, guidance, and inspiration. Social media is certainly generous with providing a healthy dose of inspiration! Platforms are saturated with individuals showcasing their mastery of healthy living, impeccable communication skills, and exemplary leadership. The seemingly endless feeds of perfect bodies, inspirational success stories, and accomplished professionals fuel our determination. "This is how you do it!" is what we tell ourselves. Unfortunately, our internal monologue doesn't stop there. "It sounded so easy. How did they do it? I'll never be that good. Am I not trying hard enough? Maybe I'm just not good enough," might become part of our mantra. Before we know it, our initial excitement has been replaced by the heavy weight of unattainable greatness.
Small improvements suddenly don't cut it anymore. The joy derived from getting "better" swiftly gives way to the frustrations of chasing "perfect". Anything less than perfect feels like a defeat, and the sheer burden of it all becomes overwhelming.
I've often found myself trapped in this phase, observing a gradual shift from enjoying the learning process to constantly comparing myself to the idealized image. Despite reminding myself that this is a normal part of the learning journey—progressing from the initial stage of "Unconscious Incompetence" (I don't know what I don't know) to "Conscious Incompetence" (I know what I don't know)—the seemingly insurmountable gap between "me" and "them" persists. Fixating on this gap is demotivating and can lead to disengagement, and ultimately, contemplating quitting altogether.
This fixation on perfection extends beyond personal development; In his insightful book “The Perfection Trap,” Thomas Curran describes how perfection infiltrates both our professional and personal spheres. In a society fixated on greatness, being average is frowned upon. The fear of mediocrity compels us to chase brilliance at any cost, perpetuating an unhealthy mindset.
In the workplace, a culture fixated on perfection can profoundly impact how employees learn and grow. Perfection-oriented cultures and leaders often take pride in setting "incredibly (impossibly?) high standards" for themselves and their employees. Individuals held to such standards are likely to conceal their shortcomings, masking mistakes and therefore fostering a culture of shame and fear of failure. This fear of failure can impede the vital process of experimentation inherent in learning (and part of the fun!). The gradual and iterative nature of learning through trial and error becomes particularly challenging in a culture where the fear of failure prevails.
To nurture effective personal development, it's crucial to scrutinize and be mindful of the learning environment—assessing the judgments, pressures, and expectations imposed on us, as well as the freedom granted to experiment and learn from failures. How does our manager or company respond to imperfections? How do performance management practices treat these? Likewise, in our personal lives, do our friends, families, or partners consciously or unconsciously impose unrealistic expectations on us? These factors, combined with our plans and efforts, significantly influence the trajectory of our development path.
In addition, examining our own relationship with perfection is equally crucial. Do we set unattainable standards for ourselves? Are we hesitant to try new things, preoccupied with the fear of failure?
I personally experienced this limitation first-hand while learning a new language. Language acquisition inherently involves making mistakes in words or pronunciation. Focusing on getting it right the first time without failing hinders the practice of speaking and practicing the language, impeding our own learning process.
Similarly, in my coaching experience with leaders, I've noticed a fear of failure acting as a significant barrier to progress. Leaders' apprehension about failure, combined with a worry about appearing imperfect to their manager, team and peers, leads them to avoid acknowledging critical improvement areas or prevents them from committing to changes they perceive as "risky" of exposing them to others.
This becomes particularly evident in 360 Degree Feedback reviews, where leaders are exposed to ratings from their manager, peers, and team, typically on a 1 to 5 scale. The anxiety often stems from being confronted with ratings less than perfect, which is understandable in a society where a three-star rating is considered a failure. Leaders’ reluctance to consider themselves in any light less than perfect not only hampers their personal development but also contradicts the principles of authentic leadership, which requires embracing genuineness and transparency with both themselves and others.
To help you explore how your own levels of perfectionism may impact your learning consider taking a brief perfectionism test available on the Psychology Today website here.
Personal development and growth thrive in an environment that fosters curiosity, encourages experimentation, and embraces failure as an inherent part of the journey. Sustained motivation emerges when we fully engage in the process, finding fulfilment in our evolving practice and competence. While these small victories might not propel us to perfection, they help us hone our craft bit by bit.
Each of us is an ongoing work in progress in various domains—this isn't a cause for concern or distress; it’s what makes us inherently human. Imagine a world entirely made up of perfect individuals—what would there be to strive for, and how boring would that become!